Jenny I am sorry I failed you. I failed you a big time. It will be one of the biggest regrets of my life. You don’t even understand your plight. I have no justifications to excuse my doing this to an innocent life like you – to take away her… Read More »Apology
Caring and wanting to care 226. I am loser for having failed to make the last effort. Guilt and hurt it might cause to those I care about anyway though wanting hard not to, in unlikely circumstances that i am wrong about these people in thinking they could not care… Read More »Diary of a Cynical Suicide – Part 10
Return 201 I don’t know why I continue to write these notes. They have surely lived all I might have to say on these subjects. To be honest if some idiot was to read them, he or she can’t be faulted for finding them for some snobish exercise in style… Read More »Diary of a Cynical Suicide – Part 9
Happiness 176. You argue that there are some happy souls, you tell me to be stubbornly happy as, of course, many are trying to. But are there any really happy people? I will happily …. Okay not happily bit but bravely bear all the griefs I must carry with my… Read More »Diary of a Cynical Suicide – Part 8
Psychoanalysis 151. I sometimes imagine someone reading these notes and trying to psychoanalyze me. But why should they have all the fun out me and I should get nothing back? Maybe I will throw in some terrible symptoms just to fools those good-for-nothing goody two shoes. Maybe I believe everyone… Read More »Diary of a Cynical Suicide – Part 7
Pain and beauty 126. There was a time when, after considering how much pain I am always in, I thought I would make a great artist. I mean think Van Gogh with his anxiety attacks, Proust with ridiculous sensitiveness, Woolf with her secret wings of imagination that she could not… Read More »Diary of a Cynical Suicide – Part 6
Guilt 101. I return to these notes guilty as I have yet again failed to kill myself. Guilty as I have humiliated both myself and these notes, which are my best endeavor, to be honest. I won’t make any excuses. After all, to whom I am to make them. The… Read More »Diary of a cynical Suicide – Part 5
A friend 76. I think of death as a friend. I told you how the mere thought of killing myself makes it easier to go through troublesome nights. And ain’t it a sign of a good friend? That mere idea of meeting her should assure you? I have seen my… Read More »Diary of a Cynical Suicide – Part 4
Of God and the meaning of things 51. There are two types of answers to questions that ask ‘why’ about something. There is the ‘why’ that is answered in the cause of things; the cause and effect science studies. Ask a scientist why something happens and he or she will… Read More »Diary of a cynical Suicide – Part 3
Death, Ageing and Game theory 26. If you ask me, death is overrated. It is nothing. In fact, it is less than nothing. It is a moment long metamorphosis from the presence of something called life, that is itself abstract condition created by a functioning body, to an abstract void… Read More »Diary of a Cynical Suicide – Part 2
