Sidharth Vardhan

Pain letter – a request for 2 sentences

You. You were the only person or one of two that I chose to be my family. You-and-me may have been nothing but an illusion for you but was it too difficult for you to realise it was something beautiful to me? Did I not tell you that, repeatedly? Didn’t I broke it myself to save you the trouble or from feeling trapped? I was even willing to leave you alone knowing it would hurt me. And I even helped you get along with the next guy. Did you still had to go ahead and keep saying things that would hurt me? Did you have to leave like that when you knew about my anxiety attacks? Why did I deserve it?

I did really trusted you. I loved you. I don’t think I will do either again. You had me fooled. You won big time, Sareen you won. You turned me into a joke and I was fool enough to want to believe in that 5 word apology you didn’t even give in person. Jenny was dying and I was fool enough to believe you would be caring enough to support me.

Do you even remember me? Do you really know or care if I am alive?

But I don’t expect those answers from you. You fooled me. It was that simple in the end. I’m probably a fool even to write this and expect you will ever read it.

But if you ever do, if you ever felt even slightest of guilt, please send me just two sentences. That is all I ask. Just two sentences. It has been two years since you left. All I ask are two sentences. Things clear from your behavior – even you can’t lie to yourself about them. All I need is confirmation. Less than 50 words. Consider it an act of mercy or pity. Just these two sentences. I am begging. Please.

1. That you never loved me or considered me as a friend, that it was all just a joke.

2. That you don’t give a damn whether I am dead or alive.

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